Tears

recently the weather is so unpredictable... for one moment, it is so hot and humid outside, the next thing you know the sky suddenly turn dark and moments later, it is pouring outside...


For a very long time since i last cried... very very long time ago, a friend once teased me tt if God were to collect all my tears, it will be a reservoir!! thou' it was meant to be a joke, since then i told myself i'm not going to be a running tap that cries easily... so many years passed, i think the reservoir in heaven has not dried up... but i think it has gone down tremendously cos so often i held them back...


Has my heart hardened somewhere along the way of growing up?? Or have i somehow learn not to be so emotional?? Or could it be that i've bottled everything up so much that when one day the pressure becomes so great tt everything just bust?!


I've not been blogging lately, not really becos i'm busy... just tt i dunno what to say? Say all the negative things? No... i don't want... i don't want to stumble any1... result... lesser & lesser writing...


Volcanos erupted due to the pressure underground... emotions erupt due to similar reason as well... recently i cried easily... whenever no one is seeing.


Am i in the valleys again? Emotion valley?!


God showed me a revelation, an open vision in fact...


i was like a rock climber, constantly climbing... few mths ago when i overcomed my problems, conquered the problems, i'm like i've finally reached the mountain peak which i was then climbing towards... i took a short breather... looked around, enjoy the victory and start my next journey, embark my next climb... from this mountain top to the next, the journey gets tougher... the distance becomes longer... i looked around, realise i'm in the "valley", but i saw the mountain peak which i've just conquered!!!


God spoke into my heart... christianity is a relationship, it is a walk with God... constantly we have to move on, sometimes when we are @ the mountain top, it is a great experience... but to see further, to get closer to God, we need to climb on... the way up is not easy, challenges get greater, pressure becomes greater... can we pressed on and reach that next mountain top??


God... i'm tryin my best, I won't give up. I know You'll looking after me, giving me BOLDNESS to carry on, still wiping my tears and collect it into the reservoir reserving for me... =)
Thou' i can't see the mountain top yet, I know God will be there waiting for me, millions of angels are waiting to see me finish this race...

A time to weep, And a time to laugh; ...


A time to gain, And a time to lose;
A time to keep, And a time to throw away ...


I know that whatever God does,
It shall be forever.
Nothing can be added to it,
And nothing taken from it.
God does it, that men should fear before Him.

Ecclesiastes 3:4, 6, 14

Time & Season

God says tt there are different time & seasons in our life..


There is a time to laugh, a time to cry...


i'm in this season of "crying"... not exactly meaning to be weak and down... just tt it is a season whereby I'm not all hype up & excited...

Emotionally drained...

words ringing in my ears


Tears welling up in my eyes


a sharp pain piercing thru' my heart ...


Does any1 cares?



Dear God, I thank You, thank You that You were there when tears flow down, when anger is in the air, when my heart is so painful..


Thank you for sending me the WORD, giving me assurance tt You remember, giving me BOLDNESS to carry on when it is tough... but God, I'm really tired, really drained...

Demoralise...

seriously felt so down now... felt so demoralise...


i admit that it was my fault, my carelessness... but really at the end of the day, i have tons of things on my sleeves now... sometimes i really dunno how to juggle... thou' it is not a lot of things from you, i know it is expected from us to help you...


How to cope with every expectation on me?? I really @ wits' ends liao... felt so down thru'out the day @ work, came back just hoping to seek refuge but only to find myself causing a blunder!


...

Holidays!

Just read Jane's blog.. so envious.. she just went to taiwan for holidays!!! arrrgghhhh... when is my time to travel?!


seems like so long since i went for holidays... alto' not very long ago, it really felt like ages since it let down my hair, pack my luggage and go for a trip...


looks like this yr i won't get to travel liao... now can't go cos it is almost june, exams coming and most imptly... bo $$$$!! then by the end of the yr, it will be building fund season... haizz... really need a long long break and go somewhere to take a breather!! God... take me on a tour... perhaps a trip to heaven might be nice?! hee... (siao liao!!!???!!!)

Pastor Kong always says this:" we do not westle against principalities, powers but against the CLOCK!!!"


How true!!! So often time just flies, whether you like it or not. The month of May is comin to an end very soon!!then come June... which means half of 2006 is gone!!!


Time waits for no one... like it or not, once times pass u by, it is gone. we are now living in the parenthesis, a part of the eternality... it is not eternality yet, so if we let it go this moment, the same thing may never come back again!!


arrggghhh... tmr is MONDAY again!!! =(

back to work...

today went back to office after a long weekend & 2 days of MC... feels weird thou'! haha... had problems dragging myself out of bed...


of cos i got a lot of "concern" remarks from my colleagues... so far not too bad ones la... but how real some of them are... i dunno... but i dun really care... at least they bothered to ask! the funniest remark came from my GM! hahaha... this is really corny & hilarious!! after i came back, i logged into our e-leave system to apply for the sick leave... afterwhich the system will send an email to my GM for approval. So when it is approved, it will send an email back to inform me... and guess what's the remarks my GM put?! u won't believe it!!


His comments " Hope you are feeling better... hello hello, can you hear me?!"


FUNNY right??!! can't imagine tt came from him!haha...


anyway heard Sun's latest mandarin album song on Yes933 today! Thou' i switch on so softly, i recognize Sun's voice immediately! hahaha... it was a fast song... sounds a bit like the song for the upcoming FIFA worldcup! hahaha... tt's the 1st impression la.. i still love Sun's slow songs... got FEEL ah... hahaha

EAR INFECTION

Haizz... if i can blog @ this hour, it just goes to say something is wrong with me right??


I'm on MC due to ear infection! haizz... painful le... but not as bad as if it was an eye infection (choy choy... better dun say!), at least i can still do lots of things other than this pain at my ear and tilted head whenever i put ear drops... i can still hear perfectly! thank GOD!


went to see doc yesterday and guess what, doc gave me 2 days MC for this... so can u imagine the image in my ear!?! I got a shock when doc say he will give me another day so that i can stay @ home and constantly put ear drops and even had to put me antibiotics!!! I can also visually how swollen inside my ear thou' i can't see anything... but this is not like normal pain lor... started since thu... the itch and pain... got worse on sun when even my face feels swollen... even lying on pillow is difficult... haizz..


P/s: Just poke a cotton bud into my left ear cos it was so itching inside and it feels "flooded" and guess what i saw?! a bit of blood & pus!!! eeeeeeEEEEEEEeeeeee.... OUCH too!!! =( but hopefully it is going to recover since the "pimple-like" thing bust!

Unbalanced Life

hmmm... not been really blogging, today got the mood to type since i'm waiting for my hair to dry b4 hitting the bed!


wat should i say??? hmmm... if i talk abt work, i'm sure it will be nothing but grumbles and complaints... enough of tt @ work liao... dun flood my own little space with these nonsenses!


Recently my life has been really lopsided, especially the last wk of April, it was really nothing but work, Work and MORE WORK! everyday i go home in cab, get home exhausted, sleep and go to work again...


Not only i'm missing out many things in life, but every part of my life is drained out! Drained completely! I mean i dun want to put the devil up, but he is really smart... if he can't cause you to backslide from God, he just pull/distract you away from HIM!


Thank God thru' last week Rev Mark Conner's preaching on passion which enlighten me on this... i believe it wasn't too late yet!


Therefore i took leave on last fri & yesterday to prepare for my test yesterday... (my test aside), wah... to take leave and rest @ home is so ENJOYABLE! so SHIOK! so long since i felt this way! I made a resolution tt unless really necessay, i'll NOT work too late each night, of cos not compromising on my work... this will mean i got to work double fast & hard during the working hrs, but at least i got some "LIFE" right?!

May Day!

May day is also known as Labour Day... a day for all workers to take a break! But guess how I've spent my day?


@ WORK!!!!


Haizz... today is the beginning of the mth, got so much work to clear, reports to submit. I so sian, got to go back to work. But in fact it is quite a good time cos no one else is there to disturb me... all the other depts are not back... only me & my manager. So less pple pestering us, can concentrate on our work!


haizz... i'm exhausted liao... :(